Rolling Dough and Hair

My biggest gift in life was having a loving grandmother. She taught me through example, how to cook, care for your family, and live independently. Her Christmas Eve parties were legendary. She would start baking months before and have a freezer full of homemade cookies, fudge, ravioli, perogi, cavatail. Everyone was at my grandmother’s house dressed up in their finest and singing praises of joy for all the abundance of food and cheer. Those were the best times for my family. After my grandpa passed, my grandma kept the traditions going. I would often be with her as she prepared for the party. We would spend most mornings kneading dough and letting it raise for an hour at a time for cinnamon rolls. She would tell me about being in the kitchen with her mother watching her cook and bake for a family with ten kids. We pinched the edges of flaky pie crusts, and filled raviolis by hand. When I was little I would guard the door so the infamous gingerbred man couldn’t escape. Her cookie menu included nuthorns, raisin filled, peanut butter, chocolate chunk with walnuts, snowballs, and pizelles. I remember sneaking cookies out of the freezer when my grandma wasn’t looking. Anyone who walked through the garage usually had a secret pit stop for a cookie.

When I got a little bit older, I was recruited to roll my grandmother’s hair. She had this amazing full head of golden blonde hair. Thick and fine. She had rolled her hair all her life and when she was 80 she opted to have someone do the rolling for her. She coached me on how to part and what direction to roll in. Afterwards she would wrap a scarf around her head and go back to the kitchen to create more deliciousness. Her recipes about how to make your life are the ingredients that keep me going today.

Last weekend I worked with my mom and sister in law and we made raviolis. I could feel my grandma’s presence with me as I kneaded the soft dough and the flour dusted my clothes. Every movement and feeling was guided by her beautiful spirit. Your love is Evergreen grandma and I miss you everyday. So thankful I could Roll with you in life.

My grandmother (20) at Niagara Falls. Her recipe for Raisin Filled cookies.

Imogene Power

Rio abajo Rio

To nurture my own creative flow I am clearing the river beneath the river. I bought a project box about writing your autobiography. It has kept space in many cupboards never being explored or cracked open. My intent is to just write and use this tool to help me share my story.

The Awkward Age

The first day of junior high was nothing special. It meant we could play on the field instead of the playground. I was in the same school from first to eighth grade. I wore the same uniform and progressed up the track of classrooms, moving from one teacher to the next with the same group of kids. Social groups had already been established and if you were awkward the year before chances were it hadn’t changed. Junior high is that phase between the grown world and child’s play.

When I was 12 there was an innocence of childhood mixed with an eagerness to be older. I still wanted to play make believe but there were pressures to act and look older than I was. I remember feeling awkward because I didn’t have any interest in boys but my environment was telling me I should. I was already capable of responsibility taking care of younger children, but immature to the idea of being a popular female. I tended to write in journals and wear black clothes. My parents even spoke with me out of concern that I was depressed. I wasn’t sure if I was, but I got the message that my behavior seemed unusual to my family. I had braces and eventually started crushing on a guy who was a guitar genius. In fact, he was always a friend, but that crush lasted through junior high into high school. At that age I could feel that parental protection thinning because I was being exposed to more adult problems. It was at that time I learned about domestic violence, lack of job security, alcoholism.

There was also a surge of confidence as I ran for student body office, sang in talent shows, and even created my own enterprises personalizing frames with posters and selling hot chocolate at Christmastime in my neighborhood.

The women in my family were instrumental in helping me bring my ideas to fruition. My sister took me to a Cinderella audition. My mom encouraged my love of the arts and my Grandmother continuously showed me through her example of how to love and nourish myself and others.

As I moved from the child realm to teenage land I remember the anticipation of personal freedoms and the fear of those freedoms being taken from me.

Forever Remember

11/11 has always been on my radar. Its been a significant number to me. That daily reminder connects me to my courageous brothers and sisters who have fought selflessly for our country. Views, opinions, and political preference are not what gives these individuals motivation to face the unknown of wars, borders, and threats. It is their bravery and love of country that they serve to protect.

The families of our Heroes have served this country selflessly as well. The partners of soldiers have indomitable strength. My gratitude is a small offering for the sacrifices you have made on behalf of our Nation. Thank you Vets for your unconditional service in support of our freedoms. I honor you today, tomorrow and always.

Direction Nowhere

Where is our country headed?

Most days I am thankful for where I’m at. Then there are days when I’m ready to pack it up and find some deserted nowhere to live and protect my family. My doomsday attitude is a result of news and tech overload, divisive messages about the fate of democracy, not being able to catch a smooth ride on any freeway, or domestic attacks with pipe bombs. We have no direction and our country seems to be in a free fall. Our citizens could become the next group to flee from violence and poverty if we are not diligent in protecting us from ourselves.

Voting is important. Having a fair balance of donkeys and elephants holds both sides accountable for the American people. I understand this divide on issues because my sister and I disagree on almost everything. Despite our differences we still come together with respect and Love for each other. There has been worldwide reports on how politics have come between family unions. We cannot let our disagreements stand in the way of the greater good of humanity. The fear rhetoric is succeeding at separating us all behind closed doors, but in reality we are all still living side by side.

Winning is of no importance when it stands in the way of progress. Last nights election should not be about winners and losers but about how the elected officials will work together to improve the lives of Americans. Whether you are old, young, privileged, hard working, addicted, sober, white, black, on the coasts or in the middle we have an obligation to our families and each other to be fair and consistent on both sides. I can only learn and grow from those I don’t agree with. Finding common ground between red and blue is what will make the country stronger against threats and terrorism. Seeing our opponents as kin is what will propel us into a hopeful future for our children and their children.

My dream is to have conversations with voices in America to find commonality with someone from the other side of the issue. More to come.

March of Dimes

I got the chance to work on this project as a result of experiencing firsthand the NICU and having Preemie Twins. Life could not have prepared me to see my babies so tiny and vulnerable outside of my womb. Once they were here, Life became so fragile waiting for the day we could bring them home. We became dependent on the nurses and doctors to guide us through the NICU Process. I am a lucky mama to have healthy six year old boys thriving today. Their resilience breathed new life into me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VReuWDyB8c

Go Blue

just a little freestyle

Two-wheel Haunting

When me and the hubs were just a young couple living happily in sin we opted to get a scooter to get around L.A. I found a cool Il Bello model from these brothers that had a shop in Atwater Village. It was a sparkly shade of brown and it zoomed us around faster than any other vehicle we had. The hubs had more adventures on it than I did. He even drove it down to Hermosa Beach….by side streets…in the rain. If you’re not from here, that is going more than the extra mile. My local in town driving still made me feel like the baddest B! I was so fed up with the growing amount of expenses related to driving that the scooter alleviated that monthly pain in the pocket.

After about a year of easy riding, I wanted to take it out once the hubs came home. He parked and handed me the helmet. I was off joyriding around the neighborhood feeling free as a bird. I pulled up to the driveway and opted to have hubs pull it in. He had a way of backing it up and parking it between the house and garage. I didn’t feel confident to try to maneuver the bike but he trusted me so I hit the gas and jumped a curb driving straight into the garage door. Luckily the old school weightlifting bench in our garage kept me from going straight through the dilapidated structure. It happened so fast and my first instinct was WTF!!! The damage to the bike was not too major but the damage to my ego was in full meltdown. I was embarrassed, upset, and the only logical thing to do was blame hubs for not parking it himself. I expressed my doubt in parking it and he encouraged me to do it anyhow. Obviously it was his fault I crashed. I left the house in a full dramatic panic, sure he was more upset with me than I was at myself.

When I got home, we opted to write down our feelings rather than talk about it. He expressed that he was scared I was hurt. I apologized for blaming him and that I was disappointed in myself for wrecking our new ride. After the seriousness faded we both laughed out loud over the crazy scenario we both had just lived. My mind was on loop, seeing myself jump the curb and going full speed into the old barn doors of the garage. This story confirms my need for speed despite the walls in front of me. My motto, just break through them!

Hear Me

Volatile vibes have infiltrated every square foot of our existence. There is a lot of controversy surrounding the nomination of a judge who has been accused of sexual assault. In true American tradition, the woman is blamed and doubted. How can her word be thrown out and his word held morally supreme? It does not surprise me that this man could be guilty of assaulting a girl thirty years ago. These male attitudes and behaviors still exist today! It is common knowledge of what happens at college parties with inebriated, entitled fraternity brothers. If you don’t believe me reference any of the movie titles that this judge mentioned in his statement to the judiciary committee. These films are his examples of the behaviors that existed on campus. I believe it is the code of these male institutions to engage in lewd conduct and sexual deviance with their female peers. Men in power have proudly admitted to these abuses, like grabbing women by the pussy. Since our society accepts Rape Culture as a norm, women are taught to cover up and avoid getting themselves into “bad situations”. Although our legal drinking age is 21, minors are abusing liquor and beer way before that. By college you’d better have built up a decent tolerance of these substances. When parents are sending their young adult children to college, they are really sending them into the lions den where social learning can have life long scars and consequences.

Today’s tactics in blaming the victim are insulting to human dignity. It takes courage to come forward no matter how much time has passed. No one can foresee how they will deal with personal trauma, let alone share it with the public. I am praying for the brave women who speak up about what is surely a painful trauma. When I was in college, there was an assault at a party. A group of young men violated a woman in the most degrading way. The root of the abuse came from these boys attitude of treating this young woman as a thing and not a person. Blame it on the alcohol is song not an excuse. The problem is that men believe that they are entitled to women’s bodies.

Women United are stronger than male camaraderie. It will be women and conscious men that raise a new generation of boys that value and respect their fellow sisters. Women should be able to be sexual beings without judgement. If we change our values, we could change the system of allowing these abuses to continue. There needs to be a system of support for victims and a course in change for abusers. A difference can occur when the truth is free. Let it out, no shame, only a chance for change.

Adorn

It was a busy beginning to September. The boys are back in school and I am doing that happy dance! We celebrated our boys Golden Birthday, 6 on the sixth, and it was awesome. The hubs and I pulled off a mini surprise party at our favorite park. The boys rolled up expecting a typical afternoon, but they were greeted by friends and a table set up in their honor. Some games, sandwiches, and homemade cupcakes sealed the night as a success. All they asked for was a lion and a sabertooth tiger and we delivered!

Last weekend was my birthday and I celebrated by taking the boys to birthday parties for their friends. Although it was for the kids I realized that these parents have become my family’s support network. We have made friends in the parenthood game and for my birthday I was blessed to be with these people that love and care for us. To really celebrate turning 37, my love and I are off to see Miguel live at the Greek Theatre tomorrow night. I have been craving this concert for a long time. I want to avoid sounding like a crazed fan, but I really love Miguel’s vibe. His lyrics are like a window into my love story with hubs. I can’t wait to ride that wave, and when I hear Pineapple Skies I promise everything’s gonna be alright. Seeing this show with my man means everything and all I can say is baby I Adorn you.

J. Cole

I asked the Universe and she delivered. In a previous post I mentioned some artists that I would have liked to see live. A few days later my concert connector Raine came through. Do you want be my date to J. Cole? My reply, YAAAAAASSSSSSS!

Sometime hubs would get the comparison to J. Cole in looks. I really like his new album KOD, but wet dreamz was that record I couldn't get enough of. Every lyric was that realness about your first time. I appreciated his vulnerability about crushing hard and wanting to seem like a pro. The best part of the song is when the girl turns to him and responds "I ain't never done this before". I love the innocence of J. Cole's honesty. Every first time can relate to that record. 

What I really loved about the show was hearing him speak his truth with the audience. He talked about the universal pain we all experience as human beings. Sometimes when I was looking at his face on the large screen, it seemed like his eyes were connecting with every person in Staples Center. The gift in sharing your pain is connecting to all the people who hear your voice. So thankful my journey led me to his show. If any chance your reading this J. Cole, I'm somewhere around 45 on my way to 100. Thanks for being an artist, it was a beautiful night. 

mo&mo

Come over! I could hear my brother and all his friends shouting over the phone. "Alright, I’ll walk down".

Going to Shaun’s was just down the street and I expected the usual knucklehead behavior. Teenage boys shooting pool and parading around the house like it was theirs. I found a spot on the couch when all of a sudden a guy jumped over the back and slid in behind me, equivalent  today as sliding into someone's DM’s. I was surprised, a little shocked, but intrigued. Who was this guy? 

It was Mo. He had become fast friends with the guys I had grown up with. Funny with a lot of personality. He had his ears pierced and tag line. You see Mo had the nickname Saber T which referred to the saber tooth cat. He had a tooth that stuck out as a result of not losing the one underneath. To combat the relentless heckling he would growl and say, “I’ll bite ya.” No one really noticed us laying on the couch together but for those few minutes it just felt right. There was a no dating black guys policy that my family and world suggested but that would soon be non-existent. 

It wasn’t until a couple weeks later that we seen each other again. Nothing really happened until Mo called me. We started talking and then we went to a concert with a group of friends. My brother noticed a mild flirtation but didn’t express any disapproval. When I joined the same group of friends to see Fast and Furious (the first of infinity) Mo and I sat by each other. I had butterflies. A scene in the movie where the character Mia states she doesn't date her brothers friends got a huge reaction from the group we were with. It was all laughs and jokes, but I ignored the implied message. 

My senior prom was no different than any of the other crazy high school dances. We were a bunch of privileged suburban kids about the set off in an R.V. with a keg. After the dance we all had reservations at a nearby hotel to keep the party going.  I was pretty over the whole scene at that point, but I was never a person to turn down a night of dancing. A lot of the parents wanted me to assure them that I was going to be present at the hotel. I guess they felt they could trust me to be more like the adult in the group. At the end of the night Shaun and Mo crashed in my room. (The three of us would end up crashing together again the night before our wedding, but that's another story.)

At this point I was finishing up my first year at JC. He was a senior in high school and we had secretly connected through late night phone calls, visits to my apartment and listening to old school sunday night radio.

Our secret courtship was on and off.

When I really fell in love with Mo was when he rescued me. Legit rescued me. I had kept in contact with this guy who spent the summer fishing in Alaska. When he got back to Cali, I was hanging out with him and his friend at my apartment. The mood shifted when they said they were going to sleep over. What the hell, I hadn’t even invited them to stay. In a panic, I needed backup. I called Mo. He rolled over in his mama’s van wearing sweats and a beenie. This confident 18 year old ushered these college guys to the car and drove their sorry asses back to school. He then drove me back to my apartment and we fell asleep on the couch. He was sitting up and I was leaning on his shoulder. He never questioned me or judged me. Today I realize that situation could have ended very different for me that night. But Mo was there for me. 

At this time, my favorite place to go was Twins nightclub. On Thursday it was 18 and over. Mo used his brother’s ID to get in and his camaro to drive there. We danced and hugged up on each other. Finally, at the end of the night in the parking lot our long hug turned into our first kiss. I was rocking a chola chic look, he was flashing that smile that still melts my heart. I loved being in his arms. I decided I was ready for my first and I trusted him. Even if we never spoke after that I felt confident in my decision. Empowered that I chose for myself without pressure and thankful that he was down for protection. I always wondered what that moment for him was like. I mean we were kissing and out of nowhere I was like “are you ready?” I was ready for that moment, but not the consequences of my newfound womanhood and liberty.

The summer faded into fall 2001. We both were attending JC and still hush hush about our infatuation. It was all puppy love, but I was starting to really want more with Mo. He invited me to go to a cabin with his family over thanksgiving weekend in Tehachapi. I made the excuse to my family that I was meeting friends and made the long drive to join him. It was the first real introductions to all of his family. It was a crazy weekend with tall tales of ocean underworlds ( uncle bucks near death drowning experience) sibling rivalry (Mo is one of 7), and seeing how far Mo will take a dare ( running naked up a mountain in the snow). The weekend was a bonding trip for me and the family I was getting to know, but it was also the beginning of a deep rift between me and my own family. 

When I got back to school, my brother found me in the parking lot and I could tell in his face he was angry. Rightfully so, I had been lying to keep my relationship with Mo hidden from him and my family. He had found out about the cabin trip and gave me the ultimatum either I was going to tell my parents or he was. I wasn’t prepared to come clean that day but I knew he was serious. I immediately drove to my parents house and put my heart on the table. As the sun was going down my mom made it clear it was either going to be my relationship with Mo or my family. without hesitation, I chose him. 

Fast forward almost two decades later and we have our boys and a united family that loves and supports us. Choosing LOVE was the best thing I could have done in my life and I am thankful we're here together. 

Summatime

The heat is still beating the sweat out of me and I decided to accept it as a form of detox. It's been a survival summer full of playdates, movies, and high intensity activity. This is our first week back in school and the #lilhooligans have started Kindergarten. Quite the milestone in childhood and a graduation of sorts for parenthood. On the second day I was assured by one of my twins that I did not need to walk him to class. Independence is here, and my role as mama is evolving. 

I had these aspirations to write, post and share our summer adventures, but I submitted to just being in the present moment with my golden boys. We kicked the summer off with a trip to Colorado to visit some family. Our niece was graduating high school and looking back she had just been born when me and the hubs started dating. Two decades packed with life lessons. In the midst of it all, summa time I just gotta cut loose. 

We partied in Vegas for a Queen's birthday, I met friends at the Queen Mary for a concert with the legendary Erykah Badu and Miguel. War and Leisure has been on loop in my house. Every song gives me those good vibes. Seeing Miguel live intensified those feelings of musical intoxication. I committed early to the Ascension Tour and will be in the audience at the Greek with my man absorbing that velvety voice and sex appeal. Waves got me on another level. I would have liked to hit the J. Cole show and rock with Dua Lipa. IDGAF is anthem for when you've had enough. Bruno, I would have loved to see the 24K Magic Tour but to hold me over I will have to watch you live at the Apollo. Perm is 24K magic to my ears and motivates my body to lay it back till its flat! ;)

Seeing artists live has always been the go to escape for me. I have been fortunate enough to see some greats in my life. Ray Charles and Tina Turner are my headliners. Music and Dance still have a certain effect on me, it tingles all over and has this powerful connection. Today, the Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin passed. Her voice and music can easily be recognized in the music of today's artists. She was original, authentic and forever and ever you will stay in my heart. "I say a little prayer for you."- Aretha Franklin

Incredible Action Dad

Earlier this week my son threw our favorite frisbee on the roof. It connects everyone who is playing and has provided endless amounts of fun. Since we bought it we have spent more time outside together laughing and cheering one another on. You can't help get loose and silly, but for the time being the frisbee would have to chill on the roof.

Friday night we kicked the weekend off by taking the boys to see Incredibles II. Wow!! We enjoyed every minute watching the brave Superhero family that takes action together to do the right thing. Of course Edna was a star. Her scene as the superhero Auntie to baby Jack Jack resonated with me. Going to the movies with our families is a pastime for me and hubs. Movie time was bonding time. It was an event to go to the movies. Since we were kids technology has swallowed our attention and now you can watch anything, anywhere, anytime. 

Screenslaver, the movies villain, was a direct reference to our addiction to the screen. Whatever your poison, the screen rules most of our lives. Should our desire to be connected to everything outweigh the need to be connected to people? Eye to eye conversations with tangible handshakes and gestures. Expression is enrichment when it comes from more than just text and video. 

Our time at the movies with the kids was special. When the little ones were born we called them our superheroes. They were tiny but mighty. I pray that we are instilling core values of doing the right thing and trusting yourself. I think its super that we as parents are in this together. I'm so proud of the hubs and myself for being brave enough to raise kids and be a family first. 

Today, on Father's Day, our Mr. Incredible Action Dad climbed up the tree to get on the roof to get the frisbee. The boys and I watched from the ground and then once hubs got down safely we had to talk about not climbing on the roof (for now). Everyday small acts of kindness are the real superpowers we all possess. Luckily, my family gives me extra superpowers to go for my dreams. Thanks Mr. Incredible for being vulnerable and strong for me. We love you. 

Friendly Feedback

When you share your thoughts online, you can expect to get negative commentary. When I started sharing my passion for writing I accepted that not all feedback would be friendly. I have plugged along posting when I feel inspired and using this space to be open about my thoughts and feelings. 

Yesterday, however, I received the most positive and uplifting feedback from my bonus niece Ms. Baxter. She is an independent woman with a passion for children and community. She runs the Boys and Girls club in her area and has a real respect and rapport with the families that attend the facility. When I shared my blog with her, she didn't respond with just sure. She followed through and read it. She has been a supporter and a friend and her feedback has given me the desire to keep writing no matter who is reading. 

Meghan & Harry

Dearest Meghan and Harry,

Congratulations on your marriage and loving boldly. Instinct and intuition have served you both well in finding one another and they will continue to serve you after your wedding. Living life with Love has purpose and sharing your commitment in front of the world takes courage and strength. I am praying that you will experience unconditional love and forgiveness with one another as you take this journey as husband and wife. 

Love it up,

The Campbell's

Wild Blooms

Mama Love

    My mother’s name is Lydia. She named me Imogene Amelia, after both of my grandmothers. My mama is my rock and is always honest with me. Even today as a grown woman, with sons of my own, there is no safer place than with my mom. 

    My sister’s name is Antonette and she was fourteen when I was born. She always shared how excited she was to have a baby sister. She told me stories about pushing me in the buggy to meet her friends at the arcade to play pinball. She showed me how to dance and properly do a roundoff. 

    Mom was strengthening her skills of multi-tasking between two teenagers and two small children. Finding balance between disciplining and loving two separate generations under one roof took its toll on my parents. As a result, my older siblings did not live in the house anymore that we shared as a family. Our time together was short lived. 

    Soon after my sister left home, she became a new mom and got married. The roles we played were evolving, mom was now a grandma, and I was an aunt (at 7). Then she  expanded her family to four little ones and life was very busy. The marriage did not survive the demands and stress that raising kids brings and ultimately she divorced because of domestic abuse. Our mother encouraged her to seek help and she was brave enough accept it from Good Shepherd Shelter in Los Angeles. As a young girl I remember hearing words like underground and battered. These words described the situation but it did not define my sister. With the support of the nuns at Good Shepherd, she connected to the strong woman she always was. My mom was so proud of all she accomplished during her time in that sacred community of women. All of them courageous to leave the abuse and seek a safe, nurturing environment for themselves and their children. My sister became a hero in my mind after that experience. 

    When I was in high school I would have my carpool drop me off at Anonette’s house. I would ditch class and spend time with her and the kids. We listened to Dave Matthews Band, carted the kids to baseball practice and ate chili cheese fries in the bleachers. I learned how to drive in her gold Chrysler and got real talks about sex and drugs. During this time I became the sounding board for my mom and sister to express their frustrations about each other. Often, I was stuck in the middle of their struggle to understand each other. Staying neutral was a survival tactic to not betray my sister and not upset my mother. As they battled for the title of who knows best, I lost myself in journals and music hoping peace would come to my family. One thing that always remained constant through the drama was our unconditional love for the four grandkids. 

    After all of the adventures and celebrations, failures and successes we are standing stronger as women and family. We’re in a new kind of Super Mother Consciousness. Gone are the feelings of resentment and hurt. In its place are the seeds of hope and love planted this Mothers Day. My dream for us is to create, build and prosper everyday.  Happy Mothers Day.

Lucky 13

Writing for sharing has been on hiatus since my screen on my laptop went out in December. The $500 price tag for repairs was not in my holiday budget and I would have to be patient. I was fortunate that the guts of my computer were still good and I would just need to use a different screen. Without the convenience of opening my personal computer anywhere, I opted to be dormant too. Of course I was not completely offline, I still have a smartphone and a tablet that our family shares. After months of a blank screen, my computer resumed as though it was never broken. This past Friday the 13th proved to be lucky for me, I had my writing companion back. The computer is my virtual office where I create this space. Before @squarespace I left my thoughts, dreams, disappointments, hopes, fears, and aspirations on pages in countless journals. In a fit of freeing myself from the past, I burned every one of those journals in my bbq pit. It was therapy to release it all and stand strong in the space I'm in. 

Over the last few months I have contemplated how these devices and the internet connect us all. I rejoined @Instagram and actually met in person with a few old friends. The media platform even helped me and a dear friend reunite after a 15 year rift. On the flip side, the dark web is a scary unknown of exploitation, abuse, and misdirection. My searches are not all information and fact driven. I am guilty of obsessing over fashion feeds, meal preppers, @Beyonce, and anyone of the DashJenner gals. I have always had a love/hate relationship with technology. Back in the day when you went to Best Buy for any tech merchandise or CD's the smell of that store was such a turnoff for me. I can't describe it, but I felt like I was allergic to the environment. Fast forward almost twenty years later and I still have an affliction to our tech driven existence. 

I had to quit posting @Instagram because the addiction was too strong. I tried to curb my insatiable appetite for approval and likes by turning off my notifications but the urge to be present online was too strong for me. Even my unconscious lingo about my daily habit sounded suspicious, I would tell friends, I'm back on the gram. I have often dreamed of creating my homestead where time is spent gardening and crafting, not searching about gardening and crafting. I don't want to cut myself off from the world but I want to enjoy the world I am living in and with hope to make it better as a whole. So many tragic events have occurred and the battle of us against them keeps growing. With so many ways to have conversations and communicate there seems to be less resolution. 

I accept that the pace of the world is more of a sprint than a long distance race these days. I am trying desperately to hold on to the babies that once slept on my chest and now stand half the size of me. I am creating a balance where others approvals are not important and I am confident in my own voice. I may not be an influencer online but I have a positive influence on my community day to day and that is something I can proudly like and share. 

BROWN SUGAR

R&B had a huge influence on me. The soundtrack of my heart starts with D’Angelo’s Lady and Brown Sugar. It hooked me in junior high and even today it’s giving me all kinds of feels and inspiration. The infectious hooks and lyrics give me chills. I fell in love with my one and only to Donell Jones and Joe. Music can transport and transform. Lately, it feels like the 90’s everywhere and I’m reminded of many firsts in my young life then. It blows my mind hearing these songs now and remembering how they made me feel back in the day. DAMN.

When you have the good stuff, it never get old. 

“Brown sugar babe, I gets high off your love I don’t know how to behave.” D’Angelo

MuthaF***a

This is such a term of endearment for me. I got used to saying it to a close knit group of friends when all our lives were kind of upside down. We still use it today with lighthearted humor. Raising kids to have a clean mouth is hard when you yourself use bad language. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, but I also don’t want foul mouthed kinder kids. I also don’t want to raise my kids to follow the rules of propriety and appropriateness.

Today, giving zero fucks is a mantra. I definitely care about a lot, but to this day I’m the HMFIC and only my true muthafuckas know my souls truth.