Writing for sharing has been on hiatus since my screen on my laptop went out in December. The $500 price tag for repairs was not in my holiday budget and I would have to be patient. I was fortunate that the guts of my computer were still good and I would just need to use a different screen. Without the convenience of opening my personal computer anywhere, I opted to be dormant too. Of course I was not completely offline, I still have a smartphone and a tablet that our family shares. After months of a blank screen, my computer resumed as though it was never broken. This past Friday the 13th proved to be lucky for me, I had my writing companion back. The computer is my virtual office where I create this space. Before @squarespace I left my thoughts, dreams, disappointments, hopes, fears, and aspirations on pages in countless journals. In a fit of freeing myself from the past, I burned every one of those journals in my bbq pit. It was therapy to release it all and stand strong in the space I'm in.
Over the last few months I have contemplated how these devices and the internet connect us all. I rejoined @Instagram and actually met in person with a few old friends. The media platform even helped me and a dear friend reunite after a 15 year rift. On the flip side, the dark web is a scary unknown of exploitation, abuse, and misdirection. My searches are not all information and fact driven. I am guilty of obsessing over fashion feeds, meal preppers, @Beyonce, and anyone of the DashJenner gals. I have always had a love/hate relationship with technology. Back in the day when you went to Best Buy for any tech merchandise or CD's the smell of that store was such a turnoff for me. I can't describe it, but I felt like I was allergic to the environment. Fast forward almost twenty years later and I still have an affliction to our tech driven existence.
I had to quit posting @Instagram because the addiction was too strong. I tried to curb my insatiable appetite for approval and likes by turning off my notifications but the urge to be present online was too strong for me. Even my unconscious lingo about my daily habit sounded suspicious, I would tell friends, I'm back on the gram. I have often dreamed of creating my homestead where time is spent gardening and crafting, not searching about gardening and crafting. I don't want to cut myself off from the world but I want to enjoy the world I am living in and with hope to make it better as a whole. So many tragic events have occurred and the battle of us against them keeps growing. With so many ways to have conversations and communicate there seems to be less resolution.
I accept that the pace of the world is more of a sprint than a long distance race these days. I am trying desperately to hold on to the babies that once slept on my chest and now stand half the size of me. I am creating a balance where others approvals are not important and I am confident in my own voice. I may not be an influencer online but I have a positive influence on my community day to day and that is something I can proudly like and share.